Archive for the ‘Songs’ Category

Riding On His Shoulders

Posted: January 8, 2012 in Family, God Moments, Health, Songs

FIRST, a bit about my day. I was trying to figure out exactly how to follow-up from yesterdays post. I don’t think there is really any possible way to top it! AND…I’d like to say I’m still pain-free (a few of the doctors told me to not get excited if this was only a one day fluke). I’ve been walking slowly today (for those “the glass is half-empty” people…I emphasize WALK) and extremely exhausted. I spent most of the day on our living room couch with – you guessed it, Sprite by my side! I did manage to get a few pretzels down, as well as part of a red velvet cupcake. Our Palm Bay Christian Church members love feeding my guys…but I know if I can’t eat the red velvet cupcakes, they will disappear!

Quick funny story from my day. this morning Steve had to leave for worship practice at the church. I obviously wasn’t going anywhere, so the boys stayed home with me. At one point, I felt like I was going to get sick. I peeked in at the boys and they were both glued to Elmo’s World, so I took my opportunity. As everything concluded and I was just hanging my head over the toilet I hear, “Way to go mom! That was awesome” from Josh. Then I heard, “Yay” and clapping from our 18 month Caden. Then I felt the dog licking my ear. It was one of those moments I can truly say we have a very close family! Steve is the kind of guy that asks, ‘Did you get sick?” and wants nowhere near the actual scene…I guess my boys will be different!

The type of ivig I was on was extremely invasive and includes an element called “cytoxan” which is a form of chemo. This being said, I have the after effects of IVIG (headache, loss of appetite and exhaustion) with the blended joy of chemo effects (nausea, exhaustion, aches, hair-loss, etc). So, I’m a walking, dancing post-chemo-ivig living for God gal, with a few side-effects. No big…I’ve been through worse.

I did do something fun today. I went to Walmart and I pushed the cart! It feels like it has been SO long since I have been able to do this…and I really had a good time. I went by myself so I could get things ready for Josh’s birthday party next weekend. I made it through the party section, then took a break and then headed over to get groceries. I was exhausted, yet, I felt like I was contributing to society. I felt like I wasn’t “sick’ for an hour or so…there for a little while I simply blended-in with the crowd.

I think we all want to just blend-in sometimes, right? There are times where we all just want an escape from the reality of chaos that defines our everyday life. Why do you think TV and movies become such a part of our life…its an escape mentally and emotionally from our current chaotic life situations.

When I was at my escape at Walmart, I saw a dad holding his son on his shoulders. They were both laughing and the little boy shouted, ‘Daddy, I can see everything SO much better from up here!” Caden loves being on daddy’s shoulders too. I’m a bit too old to really recall what this felt like…but if there are any guys out there that want to offer a ride, let me know! Yet, for a second, I got the perfect message from my Abba Daddy about where I was right now…I was on His shoulders yelling, ‘Wow Daddy, I can see the world so much better from up here!”

Psalms 121 has always been a FAVORITE passage of mine, since my college days.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

It’s just one of those passages you can read and be reassured that everything is going to be okay. I read it during my devotional time this morning…its kind of a celebration song to me now.

On my way home from Walmart I heard another song on the radio. Though it wasn’t nearly as dramatic as the “Falling Apart” episode, it did speak to me and its by one of my favorite bands – Kutless.

Carry Me To The Cross: By Kutless

LYRICS:
When the path is daunting
And every step exhausting
I’m not alone
I’m not alone, no, no
I feel you draw me closer
All these burdens on my shoulder
I’m not alone, I’m not alone
You pull me me from this place

Hallelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

How your love has moved me, yeah
To the foot of all your glory
I’m not alone, I’m not alone
I’m not alone

Hallelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

All of these cities you have built
And every cathedral you have filled
To all of creation you gave life with your hands
And with those hands you comfort me
You lift me up from my knees
And carry me
You carry me

Hallelujah
You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
Hallelujah
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross
The cross
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

I heard this song as I was driving home from Walmart, back to my reality of dealing with sickness, somewhat uncertainty, confusion, questions…and the chaos of kids who were not ready for bed! Every step I was taking was exhausting (pain-free, but still exhausting). Its almost like He was saying, ‘Let me carry you through the reality of your little chaos…I’ll carry you everyday and I promise, you’ll like the view better from up there!”

From where I’m sitting, my path is still unclear. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Yet, I cling tightly to the hands of my Abba Father as I sit on his shoulders. The view is better from up here because I’ve just been looking down at Him this entire day. Sometimes its not important about where you are going, but rather Who is getting you there.

So many of you blow me away with your stories! Don’t keep them to yourself…share what God is doing in your life so others may know that they too have a second chance for a ride on their Abba Father’s shoulders and seek out the incredible view!

Have an amazing day!!

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When I Fall Apart

Posted: January 3, 2012 in God Moments, Health, Songs

It’s the morning of day 2 of “Juice Ups” (I still laugh saying and typing that…TOO FUNNY!!). Today is completely different than yesterday (expected). I’m back in the Mima complex (where everybody knows my name) and wifi is on again! It is in the 50s here in the Sunshine State. I walked in this morning wearing jeans, a t-shirt, a sweater, a heavy jacket with my hood up and…ready for this…sunglasses! I was on the phone with a friend as I left my car and just didn’t cue my brain to remove my shades. When I checked-in for my appointment, Lisa (at the front desk) immediately put her hands in the air and said, “Take anything you want!” It took me a few minutes…literally…to take in the scene and understand exactly what the humorous situation was all about. After they waited patiently, I looked down at what I was wearing and got it…I laughed, they laughed even harder…welcome home for me! I have been at this facility over 8 times for previous treatments…these guys are like family to me now.

The IV went right in today (only one try…WOW!) and so far the pain is low, plus with wifi on I can play to somewhat pre-occupy my frazzled nerves. And with that, let my launch you into a God moment I had both yesterday and today…I had to wait until today to share, but I’m SO excited to finally share it!

Yesterday around 8AM I’m in the Holmes hospital parking lot about to turn off the car when all of the sudden this song comes on the radio that is literally singing what I’m thinking (ever been there…I figured its just me!). I’m late because they changed my appointment place. I’m nervous because of this new invasive treatment. I’m tired because of my lack of sleep. I’m in pain…enough said there. My whole world is caving in…yet I feel God so much more than before…LITERALLY, that thought was going through my brain and the line, “My whole world is caving in but I feel you now more than I did then…” I froze. My ears perked up. My mouth dropped. I listened. I was still. A chill came up my spine…who knew God spoke through the radio at 8AM in the morning? Halfway into the song my car automatically shut off the radio (to save battery…I already had the keys in my hand and my other hand was gripping the door handle…I was literally about to leave my car when the song came on!). So, I left and after the chaos of getting sick and multiple iv sticks…I tried to call the Christian FM Radio station and all I could remember was that one line. The lady told me she would look into it and email me if anything popped up. I’m truthfully not even sure if I called the right radio station being I tried this after the meds were administered and I was far from my normal self!

Fast forward to today. I got in right at 7:55AM and I was listening to Christian FM from the house to the office and still, my song (of course I owned it now) had not been played. I thought about calling, but this truly sounded desperate so I just rushed as fast as I could into the office because I knew they had a radio I could borrow. Because the iv made it in on the first try (a VERY rare thing for me) I was able to get the radio tuned and rolling shortly after 8AM (exact time not known). I was getting my laptop out and connected and then…I only heard the intro music…but it was it! My song! I just sat there and really listened to the entire song this time. This time I was able to hear who the artist was and the title…some of you already know the song, but for those who don’t – here ya go!

Josh Wilson’s “Fall Apart” LYRICS: Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise
Now it all seems upside down
‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You
And it all seems upside down
‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart
I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that Has ever happened to me

My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

Mr. Josh Wilson…your song was used by God. It has been literally nagging at me that I feel joyful sometimes during this entire CIDP saga. Why? Literally, I questioned my sanity a few times…especially when all (literally every single one of my doctors) have commented about my smile and optimism. They say it drives me…yet I disagree. I have felt God so strong in my life over these past few months, it comforts and freaks me out at the same time. I don’t have anything together right now. I can’t play with my kids. I’m physically not where I was just a few short months ago. I feel like I haven’t really been there for my church families (though they all disagree)…bills are coming in, Steve’s getting ready for more nursing classes…its INSANE! Yet, I’m smiling?!

My whole world is caving in But I feel You now more than I did then How can I come to the end of me And somehow still have all I need God, I want to know You more Maybe this is how it starts I find You when You will find me when I fall apart

I’m not saying I haven’t lost it. I’m not saying I’m always smiling. I’m not saying I can do this all alone. I’m just saying I’m so happy God is paving a road through this…and carries me on His shoulders when I can’t go any further (I loved piggy-back rides…how can you NOT smile?).

I really prayed hard before starting this blog. I really wasn’t sure if I wanted anyone and everyone to be a part of this journey with me. After all, I don’t have to share anything (hahaha…nanana). Yet, I really have been feeling God telling me that this is my way to use what He has given me (a testimony and the ability to write) to share what He is doing in my life. Like the blog title says…we are all truly Bought As-Is (Sinful nature, way far from perfect bodies, bad attitudes, hurt, pain…the works) but through Jesus Christ we can all be used as His (as He works through our world…when everything is going great and also when everything falls apart). We truly have an amazing God, don’t we?

I wanted to add in another encouraging video made my Josh Wilson sharing the stories from his song. Check it out.
Be encouraged…but don’t stop there. Your life is a testimony…you are Bought As-Is, now GO, be Used As HIS TODAY!

I will try to update again tonight…but if not, just picture me on the sofa enjoying some Sprite (…and smiling!).

In HIM,
Bethany

Joshua 1:9

UPDATE 12:30AM:
I had no idea I enjoyed the word “literally” so much. I just posted without reading that entire post…but you get the raw goodness!

I’m in intense leg and arm pain tonight. BUT this afternoon I had a blast with my kids! I returned home from treatment shortly after 1PM…so I put Josh down for a nap…well, we BOTH napped side-by-side. It has been SO long since I’ve seen Josh sleep…loved it and really needed the nap too! Caden just amazes me…the kid is SO sneaky and smart. I did dishes again tonight and after I was done I found his stash of dirty utensils he stole from the dishwasher! He just smiled…I’m afraid of having 2 talking boys soon!

Tomorrow is going to be a rough morning. Praying that the pain will go away in a few hours so we can start on time. Keep praying!! LOVE YOU ALL!!!!