Guilty Laughter

Posted: June 4, 2013 in Uncategorized

I sat here and couldn’t wait to write. This moment would have made the perfect Facebook status update…but I felt odd throwing it up there.

My status would have read, “they got it in the first time! I’ve been stabbed for IVs countless times over the past few years…and today they got it in the FIRST time!!”

And now you see why I didn’t attempt at throwing that up on Facebook…but if you are a follower of my blog…yes, you…I bet you are sitting there smiling. Right on!

Ok…before you start asking questions, here is the entire story and the reason I have a few uninterrupted minutes to even compose this post.

After Matthew was born (literally less than 24 hours after he arrived safely) I was being called about scheduling a rescan…something the doctors had been eagerly wanting done. Funny thing is…either insurance, me not feeling well, something with the other 2 kids or even wrong medical info prevented the rescans to be completed both during the safe part of my pregnancy and after Matthew’s birth. Now, I did have 2 scans completed while pregnant with Matthew. The first identified a potential object that was either a new tumor, swelling or a bad scan itself. The follow-up revealed that it was swelling in the same areas that the previous tumors were present. Ok…swelling. I can deal with that….

I started a new medication about a month or so ago to see if it reduced these spots. The medication came with the all too familiar list of side-effects…yours truly managed once again to get every single stupid side effect! But in the big reality of things, if the medication does its job, then I can deal with the occasional migraine, the loss of appetite, light-headed ness, occasional upset stomach, fluctuating energy level…seriously, I’ve adapted quite well. If anything, I can literally plan my day knowing in advance how I am feeling when. Most of the time, I just roll with it. Reality is…I’m having a great time with my kids…walking, playing, wrestling on the floor, packing…our family really feels like a family again! That’s what matters most to me.

So today, the ducks in a row finally aligned that my scan was going to occur. The doctors all signed-off correctly. Insurance agreed to actually cover it the first time (this in itself is a miracle). The kids are all well (hoping that doesn’t jinx things) and well…here I sit.

I was supposed to have my rescan at 10. It’s now 11:30 and I’ve just been told I have 10 minutes left on IV fluids. When I got here, late…I was taken back to do the lab work. Immediately I was told that I was dehydrated…but my blood pressure wasn’t too low or too high…which is a rarity for me! So, I was sent for fluids and was told to return after I was done to get the scan done (partially because if the scan is postponed, it restarts the entire process over again…doctors have to sign, insurance has to agree, etc).

So as I sat frustrated here in my seat preparing to get pricked…AGAIN…this young guy came out of nowhere…didn’t even say a word…grabbed my right arm, found a spot, did the insertion, connected the IV, got fluids going and smiled before walking away! At first I just sat here in utter disbelief. Never had I been pricked without the person at least saying “Hello.” I mean, who does this guy think he is? But then I sat here…thinking about all of the times where this stupid IV has caused so much pain, blood, bruising, frustration for me, frustration for them…my mind even remembered them taping the IV to my arm overnight and sent me home so that they wouldn’t need to re-insert it the next day! Here this guy grabs my right arm (nobody tries my right arm first!) and just takes care of business. I wonder if he was the new guy they assigned to me? Ha!

And sitting here it happened. Out of nowhere I just start laughing…not the little chuckle-to-yourself laugh mind you…but an entire body-shaking, tear-jerking, snort-shooting laugh session…one which the entire silent room of patients were no doubt invited. I tried to stop…but it just kept coming! Even now writing this, I can’t help but smile! It’s almost like God knew I needed to laugh and just let er rip!

Yea…I thought you would enjoy that too 🙂

So, what’s going on with our family you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked!

A few weeks ago, Steve and I reached a point where we realized that we were both not getting the types of jobs we needed to get in this area. As two parents, homeowners and loan-borrowers we had to determine what was preventing us from looking outside of our comfort zone. Well, our house was the biggest hurdle we could think of. Even if God showed me an amazing ministry opportunity elsewhere we couldn’t go because we had this house. Our house was something Steve and I prayed for. A year ago when we moved in, I remember settling in by my birthday…all of us on the back porch…as I silently thanked God for giving us a home! Finally we could un-pack and live!

…a few days ago we agreed to accept a cash offer on our house…our home…that would allow us to follow Gods leading when a destination is made known.

Yep…it hit us about as hard as it might have just hit you. I still remember our realtor urging us to “list it high because you won’t get anything close.” Steve and I did the math…we knew what we needed to get our down payment back and in this economy, you don’t sell your home in a year and get your down payment back…that literally means that the value of your house goes up like crazy allowing your house to be appraised higher…assuming you put money into the house too. We did a little painting and planted a few flowers…ok, ok…STEVE did all that! But the point is…our house is older and we didn’t think it would get any good offers.

The cash offer resulted in no need for an appraisal meaning the house was sold “as-is” with just a basic inspection. We move out July 1 to destination unknown…and as long as numbers work out correctly, we get back what we put into the house.

Yes folks…God still moves mountains…

I’ll admit it…these last 13 weeks have been very difficult. I went from being pregnant, working full-time, owning a home, feeling completely comfortable, knew where our family was going….


Being unemployed, mom of 3 kids, confused why God wasn’t opening the door for Steve to get a job here…or at least back into nursing school, lost our home, struggling to see where we fit at church (it’s harder than you think going from leading to…well…being…I want to be involved but can’t not knowing where God is sending us), letting others help, seeing God work in ways we wouldn’t have seen before, getting Matthew the services he needs….

I remember returning home with Matthew on a Saturday after he was born. That first Sunday I sat in the living room with Steve, Matthew in my arms…and I felt so completely lost. Not only was I trying to get used to a new baby and two older, attention-starved boys…but hello…I’ve not been home on a Sunday morning! What was going on?!

Since then God has been teaching me a few things…

Bethany, you are not in control.
Bethany, you are not defined by your calling.
Bethany, you are My child.
Bethany, your dreams are so little compared to My plans…don’t worry, I got this.
Bethany, I still move mountains.
Bethany, I will meet all of your needs…sometimes in ways you may never expect!
Bethany, I put compassion in others to help you – let them!
Bethany, you do not need a church to still do ministry.
Bethany, your second love is your husband (first is Me).
Bethany, your third love is your kids…see, I made you a great mom!
Bethany, I love you way too much to make life easy.
Bethany, this world is not meant to be comfortable! Remember, you are just passing through!
Bethany, you can find peace and rest in Me. Quit looking elsewhere!
Bethany, too much Mountain Dew is bad for you. Seriously…
Bethany, it’s ok to play with your kids…just remember I gave this time to you!
Bethany, some friendships are meant to remain memories. Some relationships will continue past trials.
Bethany, I remain true through all trials you face.
Bethany, I love you.
Bethany, look how far WE have come!
Bethany, you have a testimony I’ve given you to share!
Bethany, the best way to share that testimony isn’t always by sharing it, but by living it out.
Bethany, I don’t make mistakes!
Bethany, I’m always here.

…and that’s the short list. Shew…I didn’t even touch on the Ale-8!

Matthew gets hearing-aids in a few weeks! I’m really excited!

I know this post has been everywhere, much like me! I’ve been writing, then stopped to talk or remove IV…now waiting to head back for the rescan.

So, I’ll end by saying a Truth God (and an encourager) seem to remind me constantly…and it’s there for you too…

Hold on tight cause God ain’t done yet!

(Don’t just enjoy the ride…bring others along with you!)


  1. Ginny B says:

    Praying for you! It is wonderful that you are trusting Him to lead, but I also know how scary that can be. Praying He brings you peace and shines enough light on your path that you can see the next step, if not the end of the road.

  2. shannan says:

    Bethany, my heart goes out to you. (This is Shannan from the Bible study,btw). Wow, you have your hands beyond full. I am praying for you. I love your list you made about God teaching you a few things, that's awesome. Don't lose the faith, keep trusting in Him to lead you. Very cute kids.

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