The Seed

Posted: August 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

During some of my lowest, hardest and truly darkest days of chemo, I would receive a text or a voicemail from a friend that encouraged me to “Hold onto that mustard seed.”

I did…somehow…

I remember one day, literally sitting outside of the treatment center, hands tightly grasped onto my car seat…keys still in the ignition. I couldn't go in…I was done. I didn't want to go through anymore. My arms were bruised from the various needles, I was sick, tired…I was mad. I got the nerve to call my friend and I revealed my situation…”I'm sitting here, looking at the doors and I REALLY don't want to go in…you gotta say something to get me in there…good luck!” I remember the silence on the other end, a chuckle…and then, “Well, get your keester out of that seat, get in the doors and don't look back….oh and hold onto that mustard seed.”

Gentle bluntness at its finest.

A mustard seed is SO small, yet I do believe this faith of ours does need to go through the trials of this life in order to really take root and grow. I'm not asking for anymore trials…thank you…but wow, I feel like a completely different person than what I was even a year ago.

I hug my kids more.

I don't read the Bible just to get something out of it…I read for my peace and connection with Him.

I know who I am in Christ.

I allow myself to make mistakes.

I allow myself to be forgiven.

I take everyday as a true blessing.

I spend more time with my husband.

I spend more time with my kids.

I know happiness is not earned, but given and recognized.

I know what real joy looks like.

I could go on….but I will end with this thought – if you find yourself in a tough part of life right now, let the dirt pile on…continue to stretch to the Son…”Hold onto that mustard seed.”

  1. debra says:

    I just want to tell you that I find much strength from your story. I know that you don't know me, but please believe me that I am not some internet stalker:) I am going through much of what you have, and alone, so your story really touches my heart and helps me to keep fighting. Thank you for writing your blog. Please know that you do help others, more than you may know or understand. God bless you!

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