On The Outside Looking In

Posted: April 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

A week ago, I was up late in steady, mild pain after hitting the floor Monday and allowing the doctor’s dose of reality to really set-in. Perhaps I allowed myself to block reality out a bit…okay, a lot. But my biggest struggle was really describing how all of this was hitting me. If someone asked me how I was doing, I literally had no real, tangible answer. “Good” just seemed to work for most, but few dared to question further. It was through those people I got my thoughts together very early one morning last week…and the following poem emerged. I really didn’t even need to try…it’s as if everything just flowed. It made sense. Even after this was written, I found myself going back and reading muttering, “Yep, that makes sense” like I was reading my current life for the first time on paper. 

The beginning is a bit rough…but if you plunge past the true reality, you will see the optimism through faith. It’s there…I promise! 
Enjoy. 

From The Outside Looking In

Life used to be a book I dreamed to write,
Until this storm invaded and took over my life,
I did nothing to deserve what I am now going through,
Leaving me stuck here struggling, dazed and confused.
Like someone decided to play with my life,
Flipping everything upside down – turning day into night,
Leaving me not quite finding my place,
A new life of challenges I don’t want to embrace.
I don’t want to be on the outside looking in,
Seeing my life destroyed from sickness within,
I am so tired and I just don’t understand,
Why You have me on the outside looking in. 
This must be someone else’s life that I’m now living,
Drowning in pain and sleepless nights unending,
Misplacing thoughts that once came so easy to me,
Most days I feel like I’m slowly  running on empty.
My once life dreams seem so unimportant now,
Taking pictures hoping to slow time down somehow,
Questioning constantly how this trial will end,
Wanting an escape from this reality Ive been sent. 
I don’t want to be on the outside looking in,
Seeing my life destroyed from sickness within,
I am so tired and I just don’t understand,
Why You have me on the outside looking in. 
Yet I am still Yours God, my identity in You is defined,
Fighting harder and crossing old fear-stricken boundary lines,
The reason so many times I smile from the outside looking in,
Is because I see Your transformation burning a new fire from within.
In this time when there truly is no solid landing ground,
I will follow You even into this unknown new me I’ve found,
Even from the outside looking in I have no doubt,
You are the lighted fire in my life burning from the inside out. 
You still use me though I’m on the outside looking in,
Seeing my life destroyed from sickness within,
You know that I am so tired and I just don’t understand,
Why You choose to use me even when Im on the outside looking in. 

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Comments
  1. Joann says:

    Beautiful poem. i think you and the Lord put words down that beautifully describe your heart. So nice to meet you on Monday.

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