Waiting

Posted: March 9, 2012 in Uncategorized
Today has gone over well, though started rough. I’m attempting to take a little cold medication along with my oxycodone medication at night before bed. Though I’ve been told the cold medications I have been trying do not react with my oxycodone, I disagree. Last night I was up until 3am until finally I got some relief…and Josh woke me up at 7am to inform me that he “almost made it through the night dry.” My stomach never really settled down until early this afternoon. I ventured out with Steve to watch both boys get their haircut. Josh did great and Caden allowed himself to sit in the chair all by himself…I had my cell phone going for good pictures (included above). By the time we got home, I found myself scavenging the fridge for food! Usually Steve is reminding ME to eat…tonight I heated up food for everyone and managed a little bit of chicken, noodles and salad! I was thrilled to actually be HUNGRY!!! I tried a scoop of ice-cream a little bit ago…I’m pretty certain now that was not the smartest idea…but I tried! 
THOUGHTS ON WAITING
Have you ever found yourself going, “Okay God, I really need an answer…like now would be a really good time!” Maybe you are like my friend that has said to me TWICE now, “Bethany, I know you can sense God is there, but I can’t. It may be easy for you, but it’s not for me! I don’t know how much more I can take!”
First – This has been anything but easy for me. Whew…now I feel better!
Second – Waiting on God is the most uncomfortable feeling in your life. You aren’t just waiting for a petty, meaningless answer. You are most likely drowning in the waves of life, drenched by fear and doubt and when the darkness closes in your question is, “God, are You going to save me now?” 
Right now I am waiting for healing, I am waiting to see where my family will be moving, I am waiting to see if Steve gets into school…and I am waiting to see if my medications work a bit better tonight. Does God hear me, yes. Does He answer, in time. What am I to do in the meantime? Wait and LISTEN. Hearing and listening are two very different ideas. To hear something is to acknowledge that your brain received an audio transmission. My son Josh says he HEARS me a lot, but he RARELY listens to my directions. To LISTEN is to cognitively process and respond to an audio input…you understand what was said and you ACTIVELY react. When we are waiting on God, LISTENING is key. God is always speaking…but It might not be the answer we are wanting to hear or need. In fact, a lot of my recent experiences don’t even answer my initial questions at all. Sometimes when I listen…really listen God points me to the stars in the night sky and reminds me He put them there…even bright stars are surrounded by darkness because there they can shine. Sometimes God places a song in my life at just the right time when I feel like my world is about to “Fall Apart”(thanks Josh Wilson). Sometimes like last night, God leads me back to His Word as I discovered how Moses feared being used by God…and even though God used Moses, it took several amazing miracles for Pharaoh to catch on to what was going on…so even if God uses you, even if you told him no before, you can beat your Pharaoh with His timing…God wins in the end. 
Last night I was up for a bit just writing. I’ve always been a writer, but especially now, it’s easier for me to write and make sense than try to think through how to say what needs to be said. Last night I had this big idea on my brain but I just couldn’t get it out…so I started writing. Without pressing the delete key even once, I wrote a poem. It just kind of happened…much as with this blog. I’ve written poetry before, but it has been a long time. 
Perhaps the reason I haven’t written poetry in so long is because I got so busy, distracted by all the other sounds of life that I forgot how to stop and really listen. 
Hope you can stop and listen today. I think you will be amazed at what you are shown! 
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Sometimes life leaves me feeling abandoned,

Trying to make sense of where I find myself,
Where is this place I have crash landed?
I look to the mountains, Lord I need Your help!
Why haven’t You rescued Me from this pit?
This Refiners Fire has gone on long enough,
You know each bright star in the sky You have lit,
Why haven’t You cared for me in this ocean so rough?
Then He calls my name, wipes the tears from my eyes,
“My child” He says,”I still have a bigger picture in mind.”
As He changes my life, standing firm by His side,
Take this pain for Your glory, use me, here am I. 
How many more sleepless nights can I endure,
For You to answer my desperate cries?
This sickness seems like there is no end, no true cure,
Are You sure You know what You are doing with my life?
I told You it was all Yours – my life, my dreams, my all,
I lay here crushed by questions and no answers tonight,
Remind me where this is going, tell me I won’t fall,
Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost favor in Your sight. 
Then He calls my name, wipes the tears from my eyes,
“My child” He says,”I still have a bigger picture in mind.”
As He changes my life, standing firm by His side,
Take this pain for Your glory, use me, here am I. 
I feel You Lord through this pain,
Leading me on, guiding my path,
Let Your mercy pour down like rain,
You are all I want, all I need, all I have.
I feel You Lord through this pain,
Leading me on, guiding my path,
Let Your mercy pour down like rain,
You are all I want, all I need, all I have.
Then He calls my name, wipes the tears from my eyes,
“My child” He says,”Do you see My picture in sight?
As I molded Your life, You never doubted My right,
Your pain brought Me glory – 
When they look at You, there am I” 
I feel You Lord through this pain,
Leading me on, guiding my path,
Let Your mercy pour down like rain,
You are all I want.
All I need.
All II have.


If you are waiting, don’t give up listening. If you have found your answer, make it known and press on towards the prize. If you are simply searching for a meaning to this storm, don’t ask “Why me?” but instead “How can this be used by You Lord?” When God has control of your life, you aren’t the only one that knows. Shine on stars – for it is in this darkness that He will provide your life with His light.     In HIM, Bethany


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