Posted: January 11, 2012 in Family, Health

Monday 7AM…I discover I’m losing my hair…again. I need to get Josh out the door, so I just wear a hat. (Head shaved now…back to wearing hats again!)

8:45AM – I meet a few friends to sign a living will…ewww…something nobody likes to really talk about. The doctors have been advising me to get one done, but that always brings in emotions that really I could do without. Yet, its something that needed to be done.

9-10AM- I realize how really far behind I am in the office. I start a to-do list.

10-11AM – Staff meeting…love our staff so much! We spent time celebrating how God is moving in the lives of those here at PBCC. Love these “God Things.”

I grab a quick lunch and by 1:30 I’m in the doctors office parking lot. It was a whirlwind…I wasn’t ready…I had no time to prepare.

I was told that the treatment was working but more appointments, further treatments and discussions are underway. More treatments? More issues? More appointments? There have been these weird spots that keep appearing on MRI and cat scans that just drive my doctors crazy (anything the doctors can’t explain drives them into a hissy fit). But they were trying to tell me that these “spots” could cycle my CIDP, instead of sending it into remission for a longer period of time. Conclusion – yes, the new ivig treatment and oral medication is working BUT now we have other issues. Joy…there always seems to be “other” issues with me…I’ve had this reality my entire life! It really gets old after a while!

The news hit me like a brick. Smile gone. Emotions numb. Feeling lost, angry, hurt…ultimately alone. This is not how I pictured my Monday going…”God, I think you misunderstood my prayer.I prayed for a happy ending, not a continuation to more issues here!”

But I was given permission to attend my conference…I’m so excited to get out of town WEDNESDAY and take a break.

With this, I picked-up Josh from preschool just anxious to get home. Josh wanted to feed the turtles. He wanted to count the clouds. He wanted to go to the park…I wanted to go home. I wasn’t exactly a good mommy, but I was trying.

We got home and a few hours later I found myself shopping for a pair of jeans with Josh…I had to get a new pair because my favorite jeans encountered a mysterious hole, right at the knee. Josh decided he was born for fashion right in the middle of the store. He literally helped me pick out jeans to try-on as well as a few tops. He would give each outfit a thumbs-up or thumbs-down and then went on to tell everyone in the fitting room why he felt this way. (I would say he and Paula from “American Idol” would get along great…Josh is not a Simon!).

Somewhere between Josh fixing my pocket and the laughter from the next stall over, I realized I was having fun. I was shopping with an almost 4 year-old boy and really having fun! Wow…had my life really come to this?

Then I remember how our Father loves to hear us laugh. We don’t have to be enjoying life to laugh…we just need good friends and courage to take our son shopping. Once again, God gave me what I needed. I came home in a much better, relaxed mood (Steve for one was grateful). 

Some may say it was a God moment that shopping even went that well!

This morning a specialist called from Tampa that wants to take a look at my case and is going in a much easier direction. We will see. More on this after our appointment in Tampa set for February 1st.

So, my break starts tomorrow. I may need to remind myself how to laugh more.
Just because its raining doesn’t mean you can’t dance in the rain!
Have a great night!


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