Archive for January, 2012

Just returned to the office after going on a field trip with Josh’s class to Play Plus (a huge indoor playground adventure for younger kids).

Ill be candid for a minute here…I was not feeling good this morning. A week from today, Ill be going through my first radiation treatment. I have so much I want to get done and the only thing rolling through my brain was “Why me God? Why now? Its not fair!” Though I believe I have every excuse in the book to have this attitude, it wrecks a persons day.
I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I didn’t want to face the day.
I didn’t want to deal with preparing for next week.
I was quite content, lying in my bed, dwelling on how bad my life seemed to be going.

Enter Josh crashing through tightly shut bedroom door. I knew what was coming. Josh flew mid-air over the bed and landed right next to me…literally, sharing my pillow. I looked over…somewhat annoyed, and he just smiled and laughed. Then he said “Who made the trees? God did! Who made me? God did! That’s awesome! Get up mom…lets go!”

God is Creator. God is the Beginning and the End. God is the Author of life…I’ve simply been invited into His story. I don’t get to choose my part, but I do know how the final chapter will end.
Yes…I got that from a 4 year-old…God speaks to me anywhere.

It could have stopped there…

After the field trip I told Josh we could swing by the park and eat lunch on the way to preschool. He was beyond excited…I was already exhausted from the CIDP and losing sleep last night.
We got to the park and started eating. Josh had a lunchable…I had a Sprite (its my lunch on most days). He started eating and the wind started moving his tray. I got annoyed…”Give me a break” I thought. “I’m trying to enjoy lunch with my son here!”
The wind blew harder…and I started getting frustrated. I went to grab Josh’s tray and he smiled and said “Look at this mom!” He had the one end of the tray in his mouth…holding it from the wind…smiling too.
I smiled. He was just laughing when I was getting frustrated by something so small.
I told him I wanted a picture…he told me to get in the picture too. He grabbed the cheese..I had the tray…and now I have a great memory too.

Just yesterday I was asking our elementary group what was the biggest thing they struggle with. One by one they whispered things like lying to my parents and fighting with my brother – into my ear. I gave each of them a heavy rock and wrote something that symbolized their struggle on it. I made a rock too…mine was worry. I told the kids that we carry these heavy struggles around with us all the time. They got it…it was great. After I told the story of the Prodigal Son, we talked about how God, like the father, will take us back…no matter how many rocks we have. I took a huge hammer and told the kids that just like when they nailed Jesus to the cross, God can smash any struggle you have…and that rock was dust. My boys were beyond glued! We ended with a small celebration for the son that came home…all my group had cake. It was great. They took their rocks home as a reminder of what God can do.
I came back and saw my rock, marked with a “W” for worry, sitting on my desk. I taught the lesson…but I missed the point, until now.

Funny how God speaks through kids, wind and rocks.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.” (1 Peter 5:7 NLT)

Josh and mommy at the park!

Some of our kids showcasing their “rocks”

Our “Welcome Home” (referring to the Prodigal Son) “Rock Star” (God) Cake 🙂 

My huge “Worry Rock” (We had a dad make these out of concrete…they turned out AMAZING!!! Thank you Chris!!!)

Help Bethany win an Ipad 2?!

Posted: January 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

Long story short – a few weeks ago I entered a Technology And Ministry contest…two of my passions combined! My essay was one of three finalists!

Today they declare a winner based on our blogs! They are judging on blog content as well as blog visitors.

HERES WHAT ID LIKE YOU TO DO…please visit my blog www.asis2asHis.com (if you subscribe to my updates by email, simply click on the post title to visit my blog). You only need to click once…it records one visit per computer. The more people that visit TODAY the better chance I have to win!

The contest ends today at 8pm EST (Monday, January 30th). Id love an ipad to use for ministry and during treatments! Tell your friends! Ill update with the ending result!

Sorry for any grammar errors…updating via cell phone…technology at work!!

Patience

Posted: January 25, 2012 in God Moments, Health

I hate patience…especially if it is waiting on something I think I deserve. But, I guess God has a way of teaching us things when we need it most.

These last few days have been a whirlwind…some days feeling good (like today) and then feeling completely overwhelmed and just ready to move to Hawaii (yesterday). There is just so much going on in my life right now, I feel like I’m spinning so many plates and just exhausted trying to keep everything going as it should…you know, the way I think life should go. Trying to spend time with my kids, trying to connect with Steve, trying to understand these strange things growing i my head, understanding CIDP and my limitations, recruiting more volunteers for our children’s ministry, preparing for a new Wednesday night program, trying to get the church website going again…doctors appointments, get-togethers, calls…cleaning the house (ummm…yea…)…you get the point.

I caught myself literally saying, “I can’t do it all.” At that moment, looking at my cluttered desk I saw a button that I received a year ago from a Children’s Pastors Conference…it read, “SDWSC” which means She Did What She Could. In other words, I AM not, but I know “I AM.” I am not God, but I know God…I can’t do everything, be everything, provide everything but I can do something for the Creator and Author of Everything. God didn’t create me to do everything…whew…that’s a relief!

My priorities are God, family, ministry….I get these reversed a lot. Its hard…its always been a struggle. But I’m working on it…

Today, my patience was restored. My meeting with my doctors got moved up to today. It was absolutely amazing. The peace and comfort I felt there today was just surreal…its like God was saying, “Its going to be okay.” Long story short, on February 6th I will have my first radiosurgical procedure to…are you ready for this…DESTROY both tumors! Not shrink…buddy, they are out to fry them suckers! The thing that blows my mind about this is that the center is the only one in Florida that has a specialist that has experience not only with meningioma, but with this procedure…and has 2 successful cases! This procedure lasts about 1 hour and involves the MRI-like machine where the doctors literally guide the radiation beams (gamma knife) in an through the tumor itself. I get to be fitted for a neat little head piece and I will be given IV (relaxing meds and dye). It will be disappointing that I can’t wear my hearing-aid…but they are working on a communication method. I am pretty good with reading lips, but this won’t help in this case. After each treatment, I will have IVIG and chemo the rest of the week. They were toying with the idea of offering it immediately after the procedure, but thought that would be a bit much for one day…I agree.

I will have the procedure itself done twice, followed by a round of chemo (equaling 2 weeks). Monday Feb. 20th will be an “off” day…but pending on how everything is goig, they might consider an alternative radiation method. The goal is to re-evaluate and re-group by Monday, Feb. 27th.

I’m told all of the side effects…tired, lack of eating, hair-loss…all of which I’ve already had. BUT to say that I’m thrilled wit going down this road again is…well…not true. In fact, the doctors warned me this time it will be worse being that I will have the full dose of chemo and ivig…both make me sick, and tired…and still bald (at this point I don’t mind being bald…I like my hats!). Its SO hard hearing Josh pray at night for “mommy to get better.” I guess that why I’ve been trying to do everything lately…I feel better…I just want Josh to know I’m trying.

So…I have the rest of this week and next week off of treatment (pre-meds, but no treatment). I’m so happy for these breaks in the storm. I have made so many calls lately…oh man, I love having the energy to reconnect again! I love feeling good…why can’t I just be healthy? Maybe its Gods way of rewarding my patience…knowing it will be tested again soon.

I’m getting off…too much I want to do and its so hard making myself update when I have energy…what can I get into…hmmm….UK WILDCAT BASKETBALL!!!! Go Cats!!!!!

Date Night!

Posted: January 22, 2012 in Family

With so much medical jargon completely taking over my mind, I decided yesterday I needed to laugh…so I had a date night with the most amazing guy!
Steve decided early that he was going to visit friends up North and was nice enough to take Caden with him! That left Josh and I with an evening alone. What kind of trouble can a bald-headed momma and a 4 year-old get into? A lot!
We headed to the Dollar Movies first to see “Puss And Boots” – it features the cat from Shrek. We even got real movie popcorn…I still snuck in the drinks! Josh and I were cracking up during the entire movie…so much so, we ran the others out by the end…seriously, we were by ourselves! We even danced in our seats during the credits!
Olive Garden had a 30 minute wait, so we ended up nextdoor at McDonalds. Funny thing…this one had no playground. After I told this to Josh he responded “Silly mommy! This is date night! I just want a cheeseburger!” So that’s exactly what we did…and we ate outside too! I sat there, watching my son dive into his cheeseburger and I caught myself asking God for more moments like this. There will be…this kid knows how to make me smile and put fear right back in its place!
Last week Josh told Steve that he LOVED when mommy gives him a bath…hehehe…finally something I do well!
Love ya Josh…and we will do date night again!

"The Short Straw"…Again?!

Posted: January 20, 2012 in Health

I’m not sure if you have literally ever had the opportunity (or should I say dare) to get a group of friends together and see who grabs the short straw. I’ve never literally done this (perhaps its because I never have straws in the house?) but I feel like I’ve once again come up short. The doctor literally looked at me and my friend Gloria that attended this week’s batch of appointment with me and said those dumb words, “It looks like you’ve drawn the short straw again.”

Let me just say it here and get it over with. Once you read and process (you might have to come back) – continue reading…

I have two brain tumors, one a dime in size, the other around a penny in size. Both are meningioma (treatable tumors) that are common to cause low CSF (some of you may remember my issues with this last August…these are the cause of it). The smaller tumor is located in my parietal lobe of the brain. Since my very first CT and MRI back in August, this tumor has simply just been there. The other “penny sized” tumor is located in my frontal lobe area (both on the left side of my brain…go figure) and has not only grown slightly (less than a cm) but has also changed its overall form. The doctor believes its reaction to the latest round of IVIG treatment with the added chemo infusion actually indirectly reacted with the tumor itself. This is a good sign when it comes to designing a treatment plan – but it is a bad sign because these types of tumors (though very rare) are malignant. At this point, the doctor refuses to do a biopsy because my CIDP has not been under remission and the risks outweigh the advantages. Through the multiple blood tests and deeper (level 2 MRI), combined with the shape and reaction of the tumors – the frontal lobe tumor is being called malignant and the parietal lobe tumor is benign (but can become malignant – but not a big threat at this point). BUT the reason (the doctors believe) that my CIDP has not encountered a full remission is partially due to these two tumors (the other half fully being me…my reluctance to stop and listen to my body when it needs rest).

Things to grasp here:
 – The tumors are small and have been caught early (thank God)
 – Both tumors are the same type, yet differently classifications (that’s just a fact…)
 – People can simply live with these tumors if they can go into remission (especially given the size and location of the smaller tumor)
 – My hair is already gone due to the previous chemo – one less emotional drawback to deal with!
 – Doctor will meet with me again this coming Thursday at 2PM (no treatment is even set-up without pulling my cardio, neuro, PCP and oncologist together – their meeting is set for Tuesday as they Skype in the specialist (neurologist from Atlanta) who has dealt with CIDP previously with 2 other patients…one a LOT like my case). The oncologist with present the plan to me on Thursday.
 – I see the other specialist in Tampa on Feb. 1st – at this point, the department has agreed until the next week (Feb 6th) to even begin any type of treatment (which is good – I wanted a second opinion).
 – I feel confident with the information I was given yesterday. Not only does it make sense to me, it follows the way I’ve been feeling too…I appreciate the bluntness of doctors, not the lack of empathy…but at least mine give it to me straight.

Mentally I feel like I’m on track…somehow. I understand and can explain what is going on. I’m still getting the hang of the terminology. My emotions haven’t even remotely caught-up….and they won’t most likely for a bit.

I am, however, frustrated. Like I mentioned, the short straw is no fun. It means others out there have a perfectly good straw and are enjoying life with no “extra” bending to do on their part. Here I am, trying to figure out really how to even do life and I draw the short straw…again.

Okay God…I’ve had enough now. Really…I’ve been through enough to last me the rest of my life…shoot, I can even write a book and get published…and create a SERIES!

Funny thing though – when I got in my car last night just guess what song came on the radio? No kidding here folks… it was Josh Wilson’s “Fall Apart” (if you are a new reader…refer to my previous post “Fall Apart“). My mind instantly went back to the way I felt then…and now too…my life really is insane, falling apart and God is right there in the middle of it. I do see Him now better than I did before all of this. So, I guess that means there will be closer, more amazing God Moments to come.

And you thought my blog was getting Boring again…its almost like God was giving me more writing material. (Yes…I can crack a smile today).

I haven’t really dealt with any of this yet…but I’m sure you will hear it soon. Please continue (as I know you will) to support my family in your prayers.

I’m thinking about taking a weekend away just for Steve and myself…as in next weekend…hmmmmmm….

When God Fails

Posted: January 18, 2012 in Bible, Health

Did the title get your attention? Those words crossed through my brain more than once this week and I caught my thought process each time. Let me start from the beginning of my week…

Sunday was amazing! You know the feeling you get after being at a camp, retreat, conference or getting out of the norm and spending time with God? Some call it a “spiritual high.” After working with teens in JDC, I don’t really take to that term anymore. I guess you can call it “feeling God.” Really…isn’t that it? You come back from an amazing event where someone had guided your thought process into a new defined relationship with God – you learned something new, you shared, you learn from others…you can literally feel God alive in your life. It’s a great place to be. I attended the Children’s Pastors Conference and you can’t not attend this networking event – surrounded by literally hundreds of children’s ministry workers (both paid and volunteers) who love God as much as you do and have been created for ministry, just like you – you can’t worship next to others from different affiliations and backgrounds and all across the country WITHOUT returning in just an awe for Who God is and What HE is doing. To be this excited and humbled – and return to a place I call home and family here at Palm Bay Christian Church – it was a great experience. I love what I do…but I love where I am even more. It’s just a great place to be in my life.

With this being said – I turn around Monday to start the week with doctor’s appointments. The pain had returned in my legs over the weekend. I pushed myself too hard…but for good reasons. Yet, the pain was back. I stopped my daily devotion time because I was at the conference and just really busy networking with everyone (mistake number 1). I knew my appointments were coming up and I just assumed everything would be fine and that God pulled through in such a big way before, He would rise to the occasion again (mistake number 2). Monday morning I get back to the office and immediately start trying to get caught-up instead of mentally preparing myself for my appointment (mistake number 3). You see where this is going don’t you?

I get to the doctor’s office frazzled and reality quickly set-in. I wasn’t feeling calm. I wasn’t really feeling good at all. I allowed circumstances to take control and now I was going to deal with the scattered pieces. Somewhere between getting weighed (seriously, is that really needed at EVERY appointment…I still think that scale is off big time!) and waiting for the neurologist to enter, reality sank in…this was not going to be good. I did what any, rational person would do in my situation – I put on my game face and got prepared to justify my actions (even though I knew I messed up).

The neurologist did the muscle energy test and realized that my reflexes were again getting slower…my knees are always the first to go. It’s annoying watching your body suffer and knowing there is nothing you can do to stop it. Yet, I wasn’t anywhere near the point of my “Juice-Up” week. I could stand with a cane…I needed my cane, but I could stand upright and somewhat balance without support if needed…until my knees gave out. Yet, this is not where I was on that amazing Friday, just a short week ago. I knew that. My neurologist knew that.

Just a side note here – I will never mention the names of the doctors I see on this blog. Because this is a public place and I don’t always agree with all of their decisions, names will not be used. Yet, if you are one that would like referrals, let me know!

The visit continued with a cardio check with my pacemaker. I was scanned (this alone is a new experience for me…I literally live with technology now!) and the report spit out that my heart was not beating regularly, specifically during the early hours of the morning (2am-5am window). A few times the report included a stall in the pacemaker’s response to initiate. My neuro quickly contacted my cardio and set-up an appointment for later on…today actually in about 1 hour.

I was also consulted reference a few spots they have been following off of my CT and MRI scans. At this point, the doctors are varying widely on opinions – ranging from formation from birth to a small sized tumor (easily treatable in my case). Yet, with these spots being there, the doctors believe this is what may be keeping the CIDP in this constant cycle and not allowing the IVIG to stay in effect as long. Just to keep you (the reader and friend clear) – these spots measure a dime to a penny in size and are not growing. No diagnosis has been made and they have been following these since August.

With all of this being said – my neurologist looked at me. I looked at him. I took a deep breath and let him go. Doctors aren’t always the most empathetic or compassionate. This guy is neither – YET he does stick to the reality of what is going on. This statement stood out to me the most, “Bethany, your life has changed and you are pretending like nothing is different. You are no longer who you were – your lifestyle has to change, period!” CIDP is one of those conditions that can be made worse by not listening to your body. When you get tired, you rest…not in a few minutes, but that second. I was tired since Wednesday…and hadn’t stopped. I knew this was coming, but I just wanted everything to be fine.

I wanted to say God healed me, permanently.

The truth is, I do believe God moved in a powerful way that Friday, but cidp is still a part of my life. God isn’t always going to prevent my pain. God isn’t always going to “wow” my doctors. God isn’t always going to do what I think is best.

Sometimes, like there in that doctor’s office, I buy into that lie that God fails.

I could ramble on my thoughts through that evening as I tried to digest everything I had been given. It’s not fair. I just returned from a conference and I have so many programs and outreach events I want to do. Now, I’m being told that I can’t because my body that (in all fairness here) God created and God can heal…and I can’t do ministry because of a broken body? Really? Are you kidding me?

I was mad. I was frustrated. I hid it well. I went from feeling God so close one day to being furious with Him the next. Good thing wrestling with God is something that’s been going on for a while. Look at Job – he told God like it was and God pretty much put Job right back in his place too (Job 38-41). I knew that…but I didn’t feel that.

Yet, God ain’t done yet (I still have my Kentucky roots y’all).

On Tuesday I started my day continuing through my Youversion plan – I was going through the Gospels and I was on John 6. It was supposed to be an easy read. Jesus fed the 5,000. Jesus walked on water. Jesus talks with the crowd. I’ve read it all countless times. But this time, something just nagged at me. I ended up reading the entire chapter THREE times and that nagging feeling…that feeling I get like there is something here that I don’t agree with…that feeling wasn’t leaving me. I literally closed my journal without writing a single word…this one was going to take some deeper thought.

On my way to Walmart the light bulb came on. Nothing really triggered it, but I just could not get the sequence of events out of my head. Are you ready?

God is saying, “I AM who I AM. That’s all you need.”

Let me explain…

John chapter six opens with the feeding of the 5000. Jesus takes the lunch of a small boy and feeds the crowd until they are full and still have baskets leftover for more meals. The people were amazed and wanted to crown Him king, but Jesus slipped away from the crowd to be alone (verses 1-15). The disciples waited for Jesus but as the evening grew dark, they decided to get on a boat and sail to the other side of the area. As a storm broke out Jesus came to them walking on the water and they immediately let Him in the boat (verses 16-21 and this does not record Peter’s walk). Here’s where things get interesting for me – the next day the crowds come back wanting to see Jesus. They look in the area where He fed them and discovered He was not there. Then they find Him on the other side of the water and swarm Him. (verses 22-24)

Then you read the dialogue:
25 They found him on the other side of the lake and asked, “Rabbi, when did you get here?”
26 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, you want to be with me because I fed you, not because you understood the miraculous signs. 27 But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man<sup class="footnote" value="[f]”>[f] can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.”

(In other words – Jesus is asking these people to love Him for Who He is, more than the signs He can do).

28 They replied, “We want to perform God’s works, too. What should we do?”

(The people figure, if He doesn’t want to feed us, maybe we can learn how to do that trick. THEY MISSED THE POINT COMPLETELY).

29 Jesus told them, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

(Point blank – how can they get this one messed up?)

30 They answered, “Show us a miraculous sign if you want us to believe in you. What can you do? 31 After all, our ancestors ate manna while they journeyed through the wilderness! The Scriptures say, ‘Moses gave them bread from heaven to eat.’<sup class="footnote" value="[g]”>[g]”

(They messed it up…they are still focused on wanting to see Jesus doing something incredible, in this case with food. My guess is that the guys must have been hungry and the wives hadn’t gotten breakfast ready yet….seriously, you notice their one track mind?).

32 Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, Moses didn’t give you bread from heaven. My Father did. And now he offers you the true bread from heaven. 33 The true bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”

(Though they might not get this yet because the cross is still a ways away at this point, they do know that God has told them that He would been sending them a Messiah to save them from their sins. Jesus is saying “I’m here guys…its more than just bread – I’m offering you salvation!”).

34 “Sir,” they said, “give us that bread every day.”

(Big shock…they miss it again…)

35 Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. 36

(My interpretation here…LOUD AND CLEAR – “Bethany, I AM who I AM. I AM all you need.”

I wonder how many times we get caught up expecting God to show-up in ways that He has done in the past, when He is just saying, “I am bringing you so much more than just temporary healing. I have brought you eternal life. Now go forward and live like you believe it!”

Granted, some of us may be wanting God to show-up and do big things for all the right reasons – I would do anything for God to heal my CIDP and get these doctors off my back…in all reality, I’d love for Him to just show-up like He did on that Friday again…an unexplainable improvement and STILL baffles these guys! I love it! Yet, it really is only temporary. What if God did cure me from my CIDP? Great! But not too many steps down the road would I be asking for something else (my kids to get better, Steve to get into a nursing program and be Dr. Oz’s assistant…small thins like that). God can easily cure the temporary, but the thing that makes God who He is, that’s what seperates God, Our God, from everything else! It’s the salvation He brings to us through Jesus Christ. That’s it! It’s more than the amazing wonders He does…Jesus was more than feeding the 5000 and accomplished much more than just walking on water. He communicated that God loves us and His plan was to be together with us, but our sins got in the way. We can’t get to God by our own good deeds or trying to live the perfect life. Paying the price for our sin, God sent His Son Jesus to die for us and rise again so that we could be saved and have an eternal relationship with God forever – AND essentially live a better life here on earth through that amazing relationship.

Don’t miss that! Don’t get too caught up chasing what God “could do” that you miss what He has “already brought”! Now, that grumble for bread will always be there – we want God to do big things in our life. Yet, it should never cause us to lose sight of who He is.

Plus, God uses us anytime, anywhere…even if our stomachs are rumbling a little louder than usual.

So, this put things in perspective for me in a big way – a little dose of reality that I needed. I just wanted to share.

You are truly “bought as-is and used as His.” So, use what you got, with all you got, for the One you got it from!

I’m Back!

Posted: January 16, 2012 in Health

I didn’t do much blogging at the conference…though many of my readers don’t know how to comment of my blog (yet), many do know how to email! I received 13 emails asking when I’d be posting again! I LOVE the encouragement! This blog adventure is still very new to me and it has been received with open arms to so many. I launched this as an attempt for me to keep everyone informed but it has turned into a source of encouragement to myself and countless readers. If the stats are correct, this blog has generated over 2,500 hits in two weeks! That blows my mind and my heart. People actually enjoy reading my thoughts and how God continues to work in my life. I love it.

I made it to and from the Children’s Pastors Conference without too many bumps in the road. I tried to do too much (you are smiling…I see you!) and ended up being exhausted. Yet, the conversations I experienced as well as the many tools I now have to use for PBCC’s children’s ministry was well worth the slight pain and exhaustion.

Personal achievement – I made it on my first solo adventure with my little scooter without taking out too many people AND I survived too! This may sound petty to some, but this scooter is an entirely new adventure for me and our family. We purchased a GoGo Pride scooter used off of Craigs List shortly after my pacemaker procedure. The doctors were forcing me to face the reality that long walking trips were not going to work with me…at least not for right now. After realizing they were right through struggling so many times with the cane, I swallowed any remaining pride I had and started the quest. Do you know how incredibly un-sensetive the scooter market is towards 29-year-old adventurous moms? Seriously…after a few days of looking I just couldn’t imagine myself driving down the road with a hitch on the back of our minivan…this wasn’t me at all. I wasn’t looking for a bulky scooter built for luxury…I was looking for a small speedy road demon meant to catch running kids…primarily MY running kids….at Seaworld, Disney and soccer practice! I wanted something that could get my life back.

I connected with a guy with the scooter I now own and we worked out a great deal. This scooter is AMAZING on turns and can go up to 4 mph…I can get up to 12 miles on a single charge! I used the scooter during the entire conference and didn’t even charge it once. It also comes apart, so it goes right in my car and I’m able to assemble and dis-assemble myself. I still enjoy people-bowling on occasion, but for the most part, I’m finally getting it down.

The thing I hate most is the view. I hate being looked-down at. You only get this from seeing the world from my seat…a seat that goes with me on these long trips. I know if I decide to walk the distance, I will feel more “normal,” but I also take the chance of severe exhaustion, which leads to the return symptoms of CDP. I’m feeling pain again in my feet and legs. I know this weekend, as well as my decisions to use a cane at church today brought it back. Sometimes I want to enjoy the “normal” view so much, it ends up costing me in this way Is it worth it? I’m not sure yet. Perhaps I should ask the other children’s ministry leaders I enjoyed Downtown Disney with…or maybe I should ask Josh how much he enjoyed having mommy up and playing at his birthday party. Really…its a tough choice and I’m still a rookie at making these choices.

I’m getting ready to go through 3 appointments this week…Monday with the neurologist, Wednesday with the cardiologist and Thursday with the imaging department. Oh boy….back to reality! BUT I’m also back in ministry this week with Family Night, catching-up with my kids (my ministry kids) and meetings!! It feels like a little bit of “normal” to finally be back in the office at least a little bit. I need to discover a pace that works for me now…that has been quite a challenge. I’m working on it…

As I close, let me encourage you to do something this week. Do something purposely to change your life view. By this I mean…it might be walking on your knees in your child’s bedroom or it might be simply changing your seat in a work meeting. It might be making that trip to the neighbors house to watch their kids or possibly even volunteering for a few hours in a soup kitchen. Sometimes God purposely changes our view and we adapt to see His face, though at times it might not seem as clear as it once was…but it is there. He might not be purposefully changing your view, but you can allow your view to be changed to see Him better (through empathy and seeking out those who need to experience His love in a new way – through you). I now have an amazing love for those people who live daily in wheelchairs…especially our younger generation. I have no clue how God is going to use this new viewpoint in my life…but it’s there for when that time comes.

See…I told you…no matter what, God can use you in any situation. Instead of asking “Why is this happening God?” Ask “How are You going to use this God?” (and I usually add…”Please show me how You are going to use this…hopefully sooner than later!).

Have a great start to your week!